I Am Losing and Winning

I sat beside my bed, waiting to sleep,

Night reaches footsteps

And creeps on my skin.

It sings a lullaby, 

A voice I hear of my mom,

To sleep. Tossing and turning,

Spending tears to realize this 

And learn that. I can sleep,

But I do not want to,

Let this night be the darkest of all.

Sunken breath, anxiety on peak,

Suicidal thoughts and existence in brief. 

Searching for some punishment,

Soul ravaging negativity. Constants gone, 

Highlighted failures and Terrified dignity.

Unwrapping, uncoloring and unrecognizing

The layers which were made of plastic.

A glass wall, traffic on road, 

They are moving but their voices barely heard,

Loud. Loud. Loud. My thoughts. 

Deep. Deep. Deep are those layers.

Unwrapping everything feels like losing,

I am losing my own identity.

Churning nerves, disastrous thoughts,

Stepping back, I find a catapult 

Lying just below my bed.

Horn blares outside,

And I come back to life,

Ready to fall again, Ready to fight.

Slow Beats, stabilized thoughts.

I look outside,

And the glass wall has shattered.